Monday, April 6, 2009

Just their mom

It's been a long time since I've blogged. A lot of things have happened. My parents house burnt to the ground on Jan 28th during the severe ice storm in Kentucky, and other things. Life gets complicated. I'm not going to elaborate on any of the fire things; frankly they're almost too painful to continue to rehash anyway.

The point of this blog is to ask you, Do you have any idea why my blog title, and the literal blog title is Just Their Mom? Well, I'll answer that for you!

When I became a mother I lost me. Willingly, and I knew it was going to happen I just didn't know the severity of it. You take your newborn to the Pediatrician for the first time and he says, "Hi, you must be Ashton's mom." Well, it's all down hill from there. Add in another child and then it become, "Hi, you must be Ashton and Brenna's mom."

As my children got older it became more increasingly clear that I was, in face, just their mom. I no longer had my time, I no longer had certain friends. You know, the ones who weren't someones mom. I no longer had shower/bath time. No one tells you all the things that you won't have because you're "Just Their Mom".

Shaved legs? Forget about it. If you can get in and out of a shower with at least some degree of soap hitting your body before your baby starts to scream for you then "YOU GO GIRL!!!" If you manage to pee by yourself then "YOU GO GIRL" If you actually get makeup put on your face then "YOU GO GIRL". Trust me.. you won't be able to do much!

It sucks even worse if you quickly, albeit not of your own choice, become a single mom with a newborn baby, as did I. I went to school full time, worked three jobs, and spent every single second I could with Ashton. Ohhh I cherished my time, but do not for a minute think it was all peaches and cream. I can honestly say there was only one time that I lost it. She was about 6 months old, we lived next door to my mom and dad, I had gone to school that day from 7:30 am to 2:30 pm, worked at Discount Video from 3:00 to 6:00 then Lourdes from 6:30 to 11:00. I then had to go home, study, spend time with her etc. She cried from midnight to 3 am. I was holding a bottle while she was laying in her crib begging her to take it. I was crying, she was crying. I turned around and threw the bottle with all my might out of her room, it exploded hitting the wall and formula going everywhere. I then picked her up took her over to mom and dad in the middle of the night, me bawling, her bawling. I laugh when I picture the look on my dad's face as he sat up in his bed in the middle of the night like," What the hell is going on?!!" I told my mom, "Okay, I can't do this, you can have her, I'll sign over custody" My mom took Ashton for about three seconds and she was sound asleep. I said,"okay, give her back I'm taking her home." My mom asked me to let her stay there and for me to actually get some sleep but I did take her home! lol I was 20. Going through a divorce and my ex-best friend was having a baby with my husband. Interesting time in my life lol

Move forward to having Brenna. I was happily married, Brad was an excellent father to Ashton and he was amazing with Brenna. He got up made her bottles, changed her, then gave her to me to feed etc. Brad would NEVER say a bad word about anyone. He's quiet, laid back etc. I, of course am none of those things lol Life was so peachy when Brenna was a newborn. I remember one night she was a couple of weeks old and she was laying on my pillow in the middle of the night and I was feeding her and ooh'ing and aah'ing over her and I asked him, "Do you think you'd want to have another baby, possibly a boy?" He said, "No." I kept asking, "Why?" "Are you sure?", "Well, why wouldn't you?" I, of course, harassed the man for an hour about this till he finely said, "Lisa, I'll never say this again, but I don't think I can go through 9 more months of that". I literally laughed my head off! I really didn't think I was that bad!! lol Apparently I was!

In all actuality I truly never had another hankering for another baby. So it all worked out! lol

When Ashton started pre-school and t-ball and all of those things it became abundantly clear to me that I was in fact, "Just their mom".

Just today, a woman came into the office and this is how the conversation went, "Ohh Hi! Aren't you Brenna's mom??" I said, "Ohhh yeah, you're Mackenzie's mom aren't you?" That hit me like a ton of bricks! lol It's so true.. I am just their mom!

Granted over the years that has changed and the me that I had to become is a lot less needed and in a lot less demand. Now I'm finding that I'm having to become Lisa and Just their mom.

For some reason when they can start to prepare all of their meals (DO NOT get me wrong, I still get a phone call everyday at 5:00 pm from my almost 19 yr old saying, "Mom, What's for dinner?") and they become a lot more self-sufficient (which I apparently am responsible for) then you're just not as needed. It's sad, refreshing, horrifying, exhilarating, terrifying, it's truth.

My marching band sweatshirt that I've worn , very proudly, for the past four years says on the back, "Ashton's mom". My friend Jeanette has one that says, "Caitlin's mom". I had those made because that's who we are. I'm just not so sure if that's all I am anymore.

Tomorrow I plan on blogging and exposing all of the "Silent truths" that other mother's , including your own do not tell. Stay tuned I'm not sure how long all the "mothers" out in cyber land will allow our secrets to be exposed on the world wide web!

If I don't return to post those, that means they got to me. Send help.

Peaceout Girlscout!

1 comment:

Lauren said...

Wow true words spoken beautifully. I'm Lolly-Elizabeth's mom or Marty's wife. Lolly's daughter or Shaunda's sister. I'm not sure when Lauren stopped being Lauren. I work in a grocery store where a certain ethnic group of women have decided that all women are to be called Mommy. "Yo Mommy you gots any of ......" Yes wonderfully proper English. The other day I turned and said "Only 1 person in this world had the right to call me Mommy and you aren't her" and then I walked away. I loved seeing you blog again. I'll do the same again soon.