Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Dr's Office Etiquette

Okay, after working in a Dr's office for more than 11 years sometimes I'm just shocked and wonder what rock some people came out from under... that is why I have come up with some info especially for those of you who've never been on "this end" of the Dr's office.

1. Please show up on time. IF we're running behind I can guarantee you that we don't like it, we didn't do it, and someone else has screwed up ours and your day.. which leads me to # 2..

2. If you make an appointment to come in to have your acne checked, PLEASE do not come in and want your acne checked, a mole removed, two warts on your finger sprayed, plantar warts on your feet treated with acid, and oh yeah, your dandruff looked at. THAT is what puts people behind folks.. along with my #3..

3. DO NOT BRING YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!!!! You really wanna honk us off?? Bring your hubby, son, mother, daughter, cousin's neighbors cats uncles brother in law and say, "Oh yeah, while we're here can you take a look at ...." It's not right people!!! It's annoying, it puts the Doc on the spot, it's you trying to get something for free, it's you putting the doc behind because you want a "freebie", and it's you being rude and disrespectful!

4. Do not come in and NOT know what medicine you take. HELLO PEOPLE?!?! Who the hell do you trust well enough to put something in your mouth and swallow it and not know what it is??? You would be amazed at the people who don't. I would safely say, 1 out of 2 people don't know what they take or what they take it for. That's just freaking scary! I don't even trust the love of my life (dear hubby) that much! lol

5. Do not come in with two notebook pages full of complaints. As a general rule anything over three complaints and you're a hypochondriac! Plain and simple! (please refer to #1 for more of an explanation on the problems this causes)

6. Do not treat the nurses and staff like crap, we do run the place, and we do make your appointments, we can either make them soon, or we can make them the second tuesday of next week! Know what I mean???

7. Do not come into your appointment and try to talk to the Dr about your insurance or your bill, I guarantee you that he/she doesn't know CRAP about any of that! Ask the billing/receptionist/nurse. The Doc is simply the Doc. We don't try to do his job, he doesn't try to do ours. Works out for us.

8. If you come into your appointment 30 minutes late and you don't even call and we tell you we might have to reschedule you because you're running behind, do not say the following things.. a) Well, you're always running behind (because my answer is gonna be, "yes, because of people like YOU) b) Well, I drove all the way here! (because my answer is gonna be, "you should have called first") Again, refer to #1 about how this puts us behind.

9. Do not come to the office and be flabergasted, pissed off, put out, upset or down-right rude because you have to fill out paperwork. OH MY GOD! Do you want quality health care!?! There is a reason we need to know these things, we aren't just nosy!

My last rule of etiquette is by far the most important one you will ever read about.. EVER.. as in all of eternity.. UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS ONE! Even if you're so ignorant as to commit all 9 crimes above, NEVER, EVER ,EVER commit this one.. focus people...

10. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT.. get on the freaking internet and self-diagnose. This is by far the stupidest thing you can ever do, no wait, something a little more stupid than actually doing it, is to tell your Doctor that you did it. THAT will , not might, it WILL piss him/her off. There is just enough information out there to be dangerous. Unless you yourself are a medical provider, you WILL give yourself cancer, aids, psoriasis, kidney failure, heart problems etc, just by clicking online. Seriously people, there is a reason these Doc's go to Medical school. Most articles written online that you are using to determine that you have some fatal disease is not even written by a nurses aid, much less a Doc. Oh another thing NEVER to do, that's related to this, is to ask your Doc on the way out, "Now, how do you spell that, I want to go home and look it up on the internet". Dumb people... dumb dumb move.

***Bonus rule to help you out in life*** If you think you're special by having 42894 different "mystery illness" issues that happen to you on a daily basis and you think your Doc is gonna be so excited to be able to solve the "next medical mystery" you are sadly mistaken.. you are automatically a nut-case.

Now, I hope that you don't think my rules were overly crass, nor do I want you to think you should keep anything from your physician. I'm simply asking you to use some common sense, be polite, shut your mouth and let him/her talk and do their job, and just trust in them. If you don't trust in your Doc or you're uncomfortable with him/her, then by all means you should find one that you can trust and you can feel comfortable talking to.

Whew, I feel better :)

Peaceout Girlscout

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