Do you ever have to remind yourself that millions of people have survived raising teenagers? Do you find yourself wanting to call your own parents 100 times a day and apologizing profusely?? Do you ever find yourself googling anti-psychotic drugs?? ha!
Why is it that our children DO not understand that we love them more than life; that we would do ANYTHING to protect them!?
You wanna know the scariest moment of my life?? The day it dawned on me that I could be eating my Wheaties and if you came in and harmed my girls I could blow your head off and go right back to eating my Wheaties. That really bothered me for awhile. I mean, I think I've always known that every human is capable of murder, but until it really dawned on me I guess I never really gave it much thought.
I can tell you the specific day. As I've said before I got divorced when Ashton was a newborn; I also went back to work when she was only days old. I was working and my ex sister-in-law (whom I still think is a wonderful person) called me and told me that Sperm Donor (yes, that's all he was useful for and will never be referred to by name) had Ashton in the bedroom by herself and she'd been crying for a couple of hours and he wouldn't let her go in and take care of her. (She was a newborn) Every fiber in my being wanted to strangle him. Needless to say I was gone about 2 days later, but for many other reasons than just that. It really scared me to know that I could cause physical harm to someone who hurts my kids. Now, I don't give a rats ass. Doesn't bother me! Mess with my kid, and well, I'm back to my Wheaties.
Ya know the things I went through when I got married the first time (I hate calling it a marriage since it lasted all of about ten months) made me who I am, and I would do it all over again just to have Ashton! It's funny really how God knows exactly what he's doing!
I met Brad when Ashton was just barely 2. He was a blind date set up by the aforementioned ex sister-in-law and her boyfriend (currently her hubby). He said, "I should fix you up with my boss" and I said, "No freaking way I'm going out with your boss, how old is he!?" Of course I found out that he was "our" age etc. I did have a requirement though. I told him, well this guy better have blue eyes. He, of course, had no idea what color eyes Brad had. But he found out! ha!
I didn't let Brad meet Ashton for awhile. I didn't want to be "that" mom. So I think it was a couple of months into our dating and talking that I took her to his house one evening. You can tell my hubby is an only child. He bought Ashton crayons and a coloring book! I thought, holy crap, she's gonna eat the crayons!! ha!!!
Well, we weren't there two minutes and she was in his lap! An hour later, she was puking on him. He had puke down the side of his face, his chest. He calmly set her down, grabbed paper towels and was cleaning her up, then said, "Will you excuse me while I take a quick shower" I was thinking to myself, Holy cow.. she's my kid and I probably would have thrown her across the room if she started puking on me!!! (NOT literally people!) I knew at that moment, I was gonna marry this guy! ha!
To shorten up an already long story, we did marry. He married Ashton and I. He fell in love with her just as well as me. He's so easy to read anyway, and you could just see how crazy he was about her. Sperm Donor wasn't involved in her life, no matter how hard I tried to make him be, so she started calling him Brad-Daddy (never at my suggestion or Brad's) eventually at about age 3 dropping the Brad part of it. When she was five she asked Brad if she could have his name. That's all it took! Of course he adopted her, loves her as much as he loves Brenna and is a wonderful father.
God knows what he's doing!